I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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