i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
