I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
