one word: firstdatebathroomanal
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
