he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
