Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
