Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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