I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
