I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
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EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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