She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
