Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
