She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
