I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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