We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
