You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
