I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
