He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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