What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
