What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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