Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
