ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
