if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
