forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
