Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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