Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
