hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
There's even glitter on my cock...
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