so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
