Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's official drugs can't kill me
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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