someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
