Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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