my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
