So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So much Jack, so little girl.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think people are normalizing furries
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
