4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
