There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
