i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
