apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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