What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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