Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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