So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
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apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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