you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
