the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
