I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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