He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
