Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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