Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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