i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
