Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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