mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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