I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
