Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
