You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
