we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
