Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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