does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
‪He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life‬
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
