I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
