Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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