all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
