My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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