So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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