just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
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I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As shirtless as possible
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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