I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize