You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Green mimosas i think yes
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
