She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
