He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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