i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
