Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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